A Word on Death in Social Media

It’s been awhile since I made a post on WordPress – it’s been a busy summer – but with the passing of Robin Williams and the uproar it’s caused on social media, I feel compelled to speak something that’s been on my mind for awhile. Please keep in mind that this is my opinion and I certainly don’t mean to offend anyone, especially as this is likely to be a post that is sensitive to many people.

I’ll be frank: It’s disrespectful to romanticize life and death on social media. It’s disrespectful both to the life in question and to the loved ones of the deceased. I suppose it might just be me, but if my best friend passed (and I wish on every star that I never have to see that day), I would not be comforted by a montage of Facebook posts that range from “I miss you so much,” to “Even though I didn’t know you well, you’ll be sorely missed” from people who barely knew her. I think it takes away from the grief that loved ones naturally feel, and it demeans those very real and very important feelings. Grief is part of what makes us human, and it’s important to allow everyone to grieve in his or her own way. It should be a private process (unless otherwise requested by the griever), and social media takes that away.

Maybe I’m out of line in saying this, but pretending to grieve for someone does not make you a better person. There is nothing wrong with not being sad or angry about the death of someone you did not know. You are not a bad person because you’re not upset because your sister’s boyfriend’s mother who you’ve never met passed away, and you are not a good person because you’ve publicized your make-believe (or real, I suppose) grief.

I only hope that when my time comes, those who love me respect me enough to keep it to themselves, and those who didn’t love me don’t pretend to when I’m gone. If I were to die tomorrow, this would be my dying wish: Treat me in death how you treated me in life. Do not make me beautiful or terrible. Present me as I am and always will be.

I Am Not a Psychopath…Or a Sociopath!

“I’m not a psychopath, Anderson. I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research!” This increasingly famous line from the BBC’s Sherlock is intended to make Sherlock Holmes appear witty and intelligent, and to the uneducated viewer it does just that; however, Holmes is neither a psychopath nor a sociopath. The popular detective displays a number of psychological symptoms, but they certainly do not point toward sociopathy.

To give some important background on psychopathy and sociopathy, a psychopath typically displays qualities such as amorality, lack of empathy, and lack of guilt. Similarly, a sociopath displays qualities such as amorality, lack of sociality, lack of empathy, and lack of guilt. If that seems a little (or a lot) redundant, it’s because a psychopath and a sociopath are actually the exact same thing! They are two terms coined at different times by different people to describe the same disorder.

Now that you know a little about psychopathy (From here on out, it’ll be referred to as psychopathy, rather than sociopathy. It’s the term more commonly used by psychological professionals today), it’s time to present the arguments against Sherlock’s possession of the disorder. To familiarize you, some key symptoms of psychopathy are superficial charm, complete lack of anxiety, untruthfulness, lack of deep emotions, poor judgement (and often impulsiveness), and lack of empathy. It’s also worth noting that in popular culture, psychopathy is often associated with a high level intelligence because of highly intelligent characters that are portrayed as (though not actually) psychopaths. I’ll refer to this as the Hannibal Lecter effect, in reference to one of the most well known film and television pseudo-psychopaths. Contrary to this belief, research in psychopathy actually shows a negative relationship between psychopathic tendencies and intelligence. Put simply, a high level of psychopathy indicates a lower-than-average level of intelligence.

Now that the Hannibal Lecter effect has been debunked, Holmes’s intelligence can be used as an argument against his psychopathy. One character trait that cannot be disputed is his high level of intelligence, which decreases the likelihood of psychopathy immediately.

As far as the rest of the symptoms go, it can be argued that Sherlock lacks any charm. He is socially inept, and widely disliked. Despite this, the character seems to grow on people, but this charm is not superficial. On the contrary, viewers, readers, and other characters begin to like the character more as his deeper personality traits and emotions are revealed. In the BBC series, when Sherlock’s colleague and friend, John Watson, is burning to death, Sherlock displays both anxiety and deep emotion. He panics and rushes to the scene and risks his life to save his friend in a great display of courage and love. This is not the behavior of a psychopath.

I could continue on all day about how Mr. Holmes displays few, if any, symptoms of psychopathy, but this is neither a psychological paper nor a character analysis: It’s a blog article intended to articulate my point of view of the character. That being said, I’m going to move onto my hypotheses about the character. Here they are:

1. Sherlock Holmes has Asperger’s Syndrome.

2. Sherlock Holmes has depression.

3. Sherlock Holmes is otherwise nothing more than a very eccentric individual, and there is nothing wrong with that. One does not need to have something chemically wrong in his or her brain in order to be interesting.

Hypothesis number one: Sherlock Holmes has Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s syndrome is characterized by a desire to fit in and interact with others, but the inability to do so efficiently. Our beloved socially awkward detective fits this to a tee. Sherlock has a great many acquaintances, but doesn’t seem to understand how to interact with them and make them like him. This results in a lot of socially unacceptable comments from Sherlock and a great many uncomfortable moment for people who spend a lot of time in his presence. Something else many people with Asperger’s struggle with is understanding nuances of speech, like sarcasm and anything else that isn’t formal and straightforward. Holmes demonstrates this characteristic as well, and he speaks with extraordinarily formal English. A final argument for this hypothesis is that most people with this syndrome are of average or above-average intelligence. This is consistent with Sherlock Holmes, as he is of above average intelligence.

Hypothesis number two: Sherlock Holmes has depression. This one involves a lot of extrapolation on my part, but give it a chance. Holmes often complains about being bored, he sustains a drug habit (though the drug changes depending on the adaptation of the character), and he frequently goes into long bouts of silently doing nothing but staring at the ceiling, refusing to speak or even get up to eat. Extreme boredom, though frequently overlooked, is a red flag for depression. Many people with depression are bored with life. Often times, people with depression use drugs to distract themselves from the unpleasant realities of the disorder, though Holmes’s drug use could easily be attributed to other factors. The biggest indicator of depression is the consulting detective’s penchant for inactivity. Lack of motivation to carry out daily functions is another red flag for depression.

Hypothesis number three: Sherlock Holmes is otherwise nothing more than a very eccentric individual, and there is nothing wrong with that. One does not need to have something chemically wrong in his or her brain in order to be interesting. This really shouldn’t need explaining. Sherlock Holmes is an interesting character! He’s intelligent and witty, and detective work has been fascinating to humans for a very long time. There’s nothing wrong with liking a character just because he’s interesting, and there is certainly no law that says an interesting character can not exist without some sort of mental disorder or illness.

Congratulations! You’ve reached the final paragraph (known to some as the conclusion). To recap, a psychopath is the same thing as a sociopath, and Sherlock Holmes is neither. Mr. Holmes is likely a sufferer of Asperger’s Syndrome or depression, but in any case, he is interesting! Interesting characters surround us, and we should be grateful that they exist. Instead of applying disorders and labels to our favorite characters, we should try to enjoy them and relate with them. That is why they were created after all!

 

Here are links to some resources* that I found helpful and/or and you might as well:

The List of Psychopathy Symptoms: Hervey Cleckley and Robert Hare

http://www.criminalelement.com/blogs/2012/08/stop-calling-sherlock-a-sociopath-psychologist-maria-konnikova

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/depression/

http://litreactor.com/columns/a-study-in-sherlock

http://www.autism-society.org/about-autism/aspergers-syndrome/

 

Photo credit:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b018ttws

 

* Please note that I did not extract all my information from these resources. I have a tendency to do a lot of personal research, and I retain what I find interesting. If I mention a fact and you can’t back it up with one of these references (which I don’t believe should happen), feel free to let me know, and I can direct you to a resource that will elaborate upon it.

“Writing: often it is the only thing between you and impossibility.”

The Daily Post

Writing
often it is the only
thing
between you and
impossibility.
no drink,
no woman’s love,
no wealth
can
match it.
nothing can save
you
except
writing.
it keeps the walls
from
failing.
the hordes from
closing in.
it blasts the
darkness.
writing is the
ultimate
psychiatrist,
the kindliest
god of all the
gods.
writing stalks
death.
it knows no
quit.
and writing
laughs
at itself,
at pain.
it is the last
expectation,
the last
explanation.
that’s
what it
is.

Charles Bukowski, “Writing.”

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Thought of the day.

I think the content of this post is very important, but the possibility strikes me that it is very likely you will not. That being said, I will continue onward. 

I’ve been meaning to read John Green’s books for awhile. Not particularly because I wanted to, or I was interested in them, but because I have this horrible personality flaw that compels me to do things that crowds other people do. It’s not because I want to be “cool” or “mainstream” or whatever, because I most certainly never will be, and that’s fine with me. I do these things because I want to know what about it people like. Why do people listen to talk radio? Why do people feel compelled to walk through a mall with no intention of purchasing anything? Why do people make WordPress accounts and then neglect them? Why?! 

People fascinate me. And quite frankly, that’s why I decided I needed to see The Fault in Our Stars. I heard that the movie had come out, remembered the huge deal everyone made about the book, and decided I needed to see the movie (about which even a bigger deal is being made). So I got the ebook and read it. It took a couple days, since I work full time and take two classes, but I got through it and it was worth it. I learned why everyone loved it so much. It’s a touching story, and it’s beautiful in many ways, and I’m sure people fall in love with the characters, and who isn’t a sucker for a tragic love story, right? 

So that was that. I learned why everyone loved TFIOS, and I loved it too, just for different reasons. I love the relationship that I developed with John Green through his work. I love the honesty of the quotes. And yeah, I love the characters. But most of all, I love honesty of the book.

If you don’t know anything about this book (you might want to crawl out from whatever rock you’re living under, for one), let me explain that it’s about two cancer kids and it’s very sad. And that’s all you really need to know from me. I say I love the honesty of the book, so let me explain what I mean. Most books about illness outline the disease. You learn what the disease does to the body, how it slowly takes over, and how the family is sad when the person dies. But TFIOS goes into such great detail about what’s important to know about cancer, things that you only know if you’ve watched someone die of cancer. About fifty pages from the end, I just started crying ever so quietly, and it wasn’t because of the story. I just felt so bad because of the accuracy with with Green understood what it’s like to watch someone’s own body take over and slowly kill him. 

So I felt like reading this book gave me a personal glimpse into something that was very important to John Green, and I think that’s very valuable. I think this book is so important and it contains a great many lessons to be learned and points to be made about life that people don’t often think about. 

Onto the movie, which I saw last night (a decision that I greatly regretted this morning when I had to get up for work at 5:30). The movie was a work of art. It was well done, the casting was appropriate, and the acting was beautiful. I will not complain about the differences between a movie and the book, because I believe that a movie cannot be the same as a book. I enjoyed the movie, but it did not have the same effect on me as the book. So naturally, I’ve been pondering why. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that many of the intricacies of the mental and emotional aspects of the disease were left out in the movie, but I have decided that this is necessary in a work of film, particularly one that is an adaptation of such a meaningful novel. “Why, Amanda? Why do you think this is necessary?” Well, I’ll tell you. 

You see, a novel is intimate. The author is exposing his heart and soul to you. Sure, it’s fiction, but there is so much emotion packed in between those pages that you cannot possibly deny the intimacy between yourself and the author. I think that to put that level of intimacy in a movie would be a mistake for three reasons: 

1. It would be terribly painful to watch. 
2. The acting would be nearly impossible. 
3. It would be like stealing that from the author. 

And with that, I run out of thoughts, so I leave you to ponder my ideas. 

This is my brand of feminism.

I’m an engineering and psychology student. I’m a woman in a technology field. What’s more, I’m a woman who aspires to work as a special agent in the FBI. That means I’ll need physical skills and technical skills in a field that’s dominated by men. 

This isn’t a “get more women into technology fields” post. This is a “let women be women” post. I’m currently an intern at NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center. I work on a team of about ten people, and including me there are two women. And that’s fine. I want to advocate women in STEM as much as the next girl, but that’s irrelevant to what I’m trying to say here. I want to make a point that often gets overlooked with trying to get more women in primarily male fields of work. I was at work yesterday, wearing jeans and sneakers and a decent shirt covered up by a frumpy jacket (because it is FREEZING in our Mission Operations Center). I was talking to a few of my coworkers (all male, not surprisingly), and I found myself feeling like I’m “one of the boys”. 

Now let me say this now: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING “ONE OF THE BOYS”. If you wanna be a tomboy and hang out with boys and inject testosterone (okay, maybe that’s a little extreme), then by all means, go right ahead. BUT I am not a tomboy. Yes, I am athletic. Yes, I enjoy many things that men also enjoy, but that does not mean I want to be treated like a man. 

I am writing this post to advocate women being women. That does NOT mean women being girly and painting their nails and curling their hair. It just means that women should feel comfortable being themselves, no matter what that means. When I go into my 80% male workplace, I want to be respected for being a woman and treated like a woman. 

I got up this morning and remembered that I wanted to be a woman, so I put on a dress and some nice sandals, brushed my hair, and went to work with my sparkly pink fingernails to do my “man’s job”. I want women to know that just because they’re in a “male career” does not mean that they have to turn into men with high-pitched voices. You can be a woman and do a “man’s work”. What’s important is that you are comfortable, you are yourself, and you are respected. 

 

Why I’m Not Talking About Elliot Rogers, and You Shouldn’t Be, Either.

An excellent way of thinking…and acting.

Content Blues

So a guy decides that he’s not getting sex enough, and that he’s gonna kill some people, and that will show them all . . . something.

Read that again. Did you notice the part where it doesn’t make any sense? Like, any at all?

Let’s go with that.

Let’s not turn Rogers into the latest representative of our favored demonologies – mysogynist, beta male, child of divorce, closeted gay, gun culture, feminazis, what have you. A few sophistic flips will make him stand in for any or none of them. And everyone knows that. So unless you’re talking to someone who already belongs to your particular ideological tribe, your learned discourse is going to meet rolling eyes. So let’s just…not.

Let’s not assume any more about Rogers than he was a disturbed young man who decided, quite deliberately and with malice aforethought, to explode, and take as many with…

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Be kind.

Have you ever taken the time to think about how much you affect everyone around you? It’s kind of crazy when you think about it. The other day, I went out to breakfast with my family, and when we were waiting to be seated, I observed my surroundings (I’m sure you’ll catch onto this, but I like to look around to see what’s going on, so I often observe some pretty interesting things). Standing in front of me was a little girl, probably around eight or nine years old. She was staring at me. 

This is a bit of a side note, but children often stare at me. My mother’s theory is that it’s because I’m so big (6’1″ tall) that I seem like a giant to them. Personally, I just think that if you don’t like kids, kids are bound to like you. Just like if you don’t like dogs, you’re bound to be kissed to death by your cousin’s boxer. 

Back to my story. This little girl was staring at me, and when we made eye contact, she said hi to me. I may not like children, but she was pretty cute, so I returned her greeting. She smiled broadly and turned around to her grandmother, who was standing behind her and said, “When I grow up, I want to be really tall!” 

Maybe this is just me feeling overly giddy about this little girl wanting to be like me, but I think that when a kid says something like this or encounters someone like that, it means you’ve made a mark on her life. I like to hope that in ten years from now, whether that little girl is small or tall, she’ll remember seeing me that day, and she’ll remember my confidence, and she’ll feel beautiful. Maybe that won’t happen, but it might. And that brings us to the actual point of this blog post.

You, as an individual, affect everyone you meet. The words you say to someone can build her up or send her crashing down. Be good to other people, and maybe they will be good to you. This is the hardest part: Be good to yourself. It’s easy to be nice to other people, to compliment someone’s smile or hold the door, but when it comes to looking in the mirror and admitting that you’re beautiful, it can be the hardest thing in the world, so here’s my advice.

Love yourself a little bit at a time. Start with something small, like your smile. It’s hard not to love a smile because it represents the best parts of life. Laughter, happiness, love. All of these things are in your smile. Once you master that, move onto something else. Love your personality, your body, your spirit. Learn to love yourself, and the effect that you have on others will be mesmerizing. People will flock to you because you bring them joy, and show them how to be happy and get the most out of life. 

 

I’m really Italian, I swear!

This is the United States, “the melting pot”, a mish-mash of different cultures and backgrounds. We’re all different, and everyone is incredibly proud of his or her heritage. It seems a little silly to think about. What right do we have to be proud of something over which we have control? 

I suppose it doesn’t matter whether or not we’re entitled to be proud of our heritages. I’m guilty of it too. I can’t count the number of conversations I’ve had with coworkers, classmates, and even extended family members about the topic. It can be prompted by anything:

 “Well I’m native American, so I have tons of artifacts!”

“Oh, we’re Polish, so we always have kielbasa and sauerkraut at Christmas.”

“It’s St. Patrick’s Day! I love being Irish!” 

One little mention of an Italian grandmother and the conversation can go on for half an hour about everyone’s genetic makeup. It’s always interesting when it’s my turn to share. My father’s mother and my mother’s father were both 100% Italian (that makes me half Italian, if you’re curious). My other grandmother was 100% Welsh, and my other grandfather was 100% Polish. 

Now, if you look at me, you would not associate me with any particular nationality. I’m 6’1″ tall and I have relatively dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a small nose…your typical American mutt to most people. You can see why people look at me strangely when I tell them I’m half Italian. “What?! You don’t look Italian at all!” Yes, thank you. I know that people don’t realize all Italians don’t have coal black hair and dark brown eyes. Part of my ancestry is from Sicily, and that’s where my blue eyes from. My thick, dark hair is just as Italian as Leonardo da Vinci’s was (if less pure-bred). 

Though I’m proud to look Italian (at least to the trained eye), what really gets me is how Italian I act without even realizing it. Holding a conversation with me is always interesting, because I talk 50% with my mouth and 50% with my hands, and the longer the conversation goes on, the louder my voice seems to get. I love having company…not because I like having people over, but because I love feeding people. That’s something I didn’t know was Italian. People enter my dorm at school and two minutes later, they’re eating and drinking something, whether they want to or not.

I suppose this has been a long rant on things about me that you probably didn’t need to know, but it can serve as an introductory post, since it’s my very first. Thanks for reading! Hope you stick around for more!